The Story Behind My New Book

I want to share the story behind my new book, The 7 Erotic Languages: The Missing Link in Relationships. It reflects a reality I see daily in my practice.

Some time ago, a charming couple came to my office and said:

“We are disconnected, frustrated, and desperate.”

One of them confessed that they don’t initiate sexual intimacy because they don’t feel desire, and they are worried, feeling lifeless and joyless. The other member, in a resigned tone, added:

“I do have desire, but I no longer know how to express it without pressuring or causing discomfort or rejection from my partner.”

This is a prevalent scenario among couples of all ages and cultures, even among young couples without children.

While on vacation, walking with my family through the vibrant streets of San Juan, Puerto Rico on January 2023, I couldn’t stop thinking about this common problem: the lack of desire in relationships after some time together. I recalled chapter 6 of my first book, Make Love 365 Times a Year, and realized that it was the missing piece in long-term relationships and marriages.

What happens to our desire for our partner over the years?

Is it “normal” not to feel that passion and longing for the person who sleeps beside us and accompanies us day and night?

The answer is a resounding no! Although it is prevalent, it does not necessarily have to happen as an inevitable fact, and it is certainly not healthy, which could cause many problems. The truth is that lack of desire and passion in long-term relationships and marriages have been normalized, leading us to think it is an infallible destiny and, therefore, to do nothing about it.

We must understand that men and women are different; we are not the same. Physiologically, mentally, and sexually, there is ample evidence of our differences. However, we have something very important in common: desire. We all desire, and above all, men and women want to feel desired and be desired.

Desire moves us, activates us, and connects us intimately.

But what moves and activates desire? Eroticism and its languages activate desire!

Numerous studies support the idea that eroticism can ignite desire in the mind. For example, research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that erotic stimulation activates areas of the brain associated with pleasure and reward, such as the nucleus accumbens and the prefrontal cortex. These findings suggest that eroticism can significantly increase sexual desire by activating the brain’s reward centers. Desire, in fact, is a mental state.

Additionally, a study by Brotto and Luria (2014) in the Archives of Sexual Behavior demonstrated that introducing erotic and sensual elements into relationships can improve sexual satisfaction and increase desire in couples. Participants who incorporated erotic practices reported a greater emotional connection and renewed sexual interest in their partners.

Through deep and intimate conversations with clients and friends, I discovered that eroticism, in its essence, possesses its own set of languages: each delicate, deep, and multifaceted. I found an interesting correlation between NLP Communication Channels and the manifestation of our erotic desires. This revelation inspired me to develop The 7 Languages of Eroticism.

Eroticism can be expressed in many ways, and I have identified seven key languages. Each of us finds a preference in one or several of them, becoming our erotic language. This personalized approach allows for a deeper and more meaningful connection in our intimate relationships, adapting to the particularities of our desires and fantasies.

By discovering and using your erotic language, you can rekindle desire and passion in your current or future relationship. These languages not only help you reconnect with your partner in a more revealing and intense way but also open the doors to new forms of intimacy and mutual understanding.

Instead of resigning ourselves to the idea that passion fades over time, it is time to take action and explore The 7 Languages of Eroticism that I have brought to you with such excitement and effort, as The Missing Link in Relationships.

Because at the end of the day, desire and passion not only enrich our relationships but also revitalize our own life and well-being. Desire invigorates us and ignites our passion for life!

I hope this perspective inspires you to explore and rekindle eroticism and its languages in your relationships. At the moment, the book is only available in Spanish. I hope to have it in English very soon.

Aleida Heinz, PhD

drheinz4u@gmail.com